Emotional Weeks

The Face of Our Son

Two weeks ago we went to the doctor for Lisa's regular checkup. As usual, he did an ultrasound.  Usually the picture is really grainy and I can't really tell the difference between the images on the screen and scenes from Alien.  But this time was different. The face was really clear. We could see his cheeks. And, as if on cue, he yawned. It was pretty cool.

Leland

We had to come home last week to say goodbye to Lisa's grandfather, Leland Nelson.  The family asked me to sing, so I was sitting on the stage while the preacher spoke words remembering him and his life.  It was a good perspective, really, to have on the affair.  I could look down and see generations of Nelsons sitting together, remembering husband, father, grandfather.  As the words were spoken, I could see the memories they evoked played out on the faces of his family. I was honored to be privileged to such a view.  Grandpa Nelson lived a full life. And, perhaps equally as important, he left behind folks who loved him.  He will really be missed.

The Flight Home

We had a pleasant surprise on the flight home!  We were set to return to Gainseville on a 6:30 AM flight from Denver this past Monday.  We took a 4:30 AM shuttle to the airport, thinking it would be a dreary day of travel. Instead, we found our flight was oversold. We volunteered to give up our seats in exchange for a travel voucher for another flight (which will help for return travels in May) AND WE GOT UPGRADED TO FIRST CLASS!  Jeff had given me a cap from Rod's Fix-A-Flat from Bushnell, NE. I proudly wore it while they served us a meal, drinks and entertained us with in-flight movies.  As Lisa put it, if you have to fly 8 months pregnant, that's not a bad way to do it!

Me, in first class, with Rod's Fix-A-Flat cap.  Keepin' it classy.

Surprise Baby Shower

After our first class affair, we landed in the Gainesville Airport around 6 PM.  Our friend Dan was there to pick us up. Lisa and I are in a small bible study group that meets once a week with Dan, his wife Heidi and several other folks about our age.  The plan was for Dan to take us to the bible study, even though we were REALLY tired from traveling.  We arrived at the place we were to have the study and Dan called Heidi, pretending to be a bit lost.  What he was REALLY doing was telling everyone to get in place for the SURPRISE BABY SHOWER!  When we walked through the door, they all yelled SURPRISE! There was food, streamers, gifts and all the folks from our group were there.  PLUS, Dan had found folks from back home, including our families, and had them send gifts and notes.  He even got the recipe for our favorite dessert (simply called "The Dessert") from my family.  It was such a blessing to feel at home, even though we weren't at "home".  Our group has only been together for a few months, but they are quickly becoming a family here.  We can't say enough how much we appreciated that gesture last week.

Something to Blog About

Recently I read that if you are a writer, it's important to set aside time and write. It's a habit. I enjoy writing, but haven't done so in quite a while.  I think it's time to get back into the habit.

When we were in Tanzania, I felt I had something to contribute.  We always had something happening both Lisa and I felt passionate about and were excited to share with everyone.  Since I've been back, frankly, I haven't felt I had anything to share.  I felt an urge to express something, but I lacked anything of any value to offer.

But that line of thinking was wrong.  I do have words to offer.

So, my focus, at least for now, is to find stories that I think inspire or share hope.

Here's my first one.

Lisa and I are having a baby in April.

Period.

I could just ruin that statement by gushing about excitement, etc. But I won't.  The line is story quite enough.

Getting Settled (a little)

This was a week of getting more into the "swing of things". I'm more comfortable with the bus system, for example. I went to my first Gators football game. I went to the beach in St. Augustine today. It's been a good week.  It will be good to have Lisa here though.

This next bit is going to make me seem like I'm off my rocker, but I felt compelled to write about it anyway.  I enter the building where I work from the back side. I enter there in part because it's the closest entrance and in part because there are banana trees growing at the base of the building as landscaping. I like the trees and the entrance is close and quiet. The other day, however, I noticed a strange skeleton set as if peering through the window from the building adjacent to ours. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was the skeleton of a monkey.  Perhaps someone put him there as a source of irony, or simply by mistake, but that monkey skeleton is looking straight at those bananas!

What a story you could pull from that scene.  Forever locked inside staring at his food; his life source, is that monkey. He's dead, the tree is living.

I don't know what, if anything I'm supposed to learn from that monkey.  Maybe I just need something to occupy my mind. But, I bet, if given the choice, he'd sure rather be out from behind that glass, be up in that tree, and have his hands on one of those bananas.

Hmmmm... maybe got too much sun today :)

Made it to Florida

This alligator was out at Paines Prarie. He was one of about 30 that I could see. He crawled out on the path, plopped down and sunned himself for a while before crawling over to the other side. 

I'm in Gainesville, Florida right now. At the laundromat to be exact. I'm sweating like a (insert whatever inappropriate joke you want here...they will all work I promise!).  Here's the happenings from the last several weeks.

The Move
We packed 'er up from Lincoln about 1.5 weeks ago. What we couldn't fit we gave away or sold. Everything else went into a 6X12 U-Haul trailer which we pulled behind the Trailblazer (a recent purchase from Irene, Lisa's grandma).  We stayed in St. Louis one night and Chattanooga, TN the following before finding our way to Gainesville on night number 3. We moved in around noon on a Thursday. Our new friend Trey helped. We sweated buckets and buckets. Thank goodness Trey wasn't one to pass judgement on the amount of body fluids that can pass from one human being! But, but by around 2 PM or so we were moved in!

The Apartment
We're living in a 2 bedroom townhouse style apartment. There is a single story apartment below us.  It seems to be a quiet enough neighborhood.  I take the bus to school because it's about a mile from campus.  There are two swimming pools. I havn't worked up the courage to get into either one.  We keep the A/C cranked and the blinds pulled and it stays pretty cool inside.

The Orlando Airport
Lisa flew out the Friday before last. iPhone have a feature that changes the times on your calendars depending on the time zone you're in. It's annoying and not helpful...and put us late to depart Gainesville to get her to the airport. Long story short....we RACED down the road to get there only to find her flight had already departed. No problem though because we got to see each other a bit longer. She'll return on September 3rd...after being gone about 2 weeks. It's been strange going from being around each other almost constantly in Tanzania to being absent from each others' side for weeks (if not months literally) at a time over the summer.

The Job
I work as a research assistant in the department of agriculture education and communications. I work on a USDA grant, something that deals with getting more science into the agriculture classroom, and a different thing that works with university professors to make them better teachers. I have an office and the whole bit. I work with other PhD students. They talk about exciting stuff. I spent a lot of my time the first several days trying not to feel intimidated or say stupid things (failed at both miserably!).

The School
I'm a Ph.D. student in agriculture education at the University of Florida in Gainesville. I'm enrolled in a 6 hour statistics course and a 3 hour theories of learning course. I'm doing everything I can to get my brain warmed up to the idea that it wants to work again.  It's reluctant to say the least.

The Trip to the random prairie in the middle of Florida that has buffalo, wild horses and alligators
Last Sunday I went to church with Trey and his fience' Allison. After church we drove out to a prairie near Gainesville. We walked down this path to a small lake which was, it seemed to me, FILLED with alligators which were GROWLING at each other. They sounded like idling motorcycles (Sturgis all over again!).  It was cool and terrifying. I so wished for people from back home to be there with us to share in that experience. We would be standing near the bank and looking out over the water at all the gators we COULD see and then (on more than one occasion) look down and there would be a gator right at our feet looking up at us (licking his lips I swear).

The Fears
I'm afraid of our house not selling.
I'm afraid of Lisa finding work and I'm afraid of Lisa not finding work.
I'm afraid of looking like an idiot in front of all these people here.
I'm afraid of not making any new real friends.
I'm afraid of being eaten by an alligator in the middle of the prairie.
I'm afraid I'll fail at being a college student again.

All of these fears scream at me...especially in the evenings because it's just me and Kemma (our cat....and she's screaming at me too but usually just to pet her.)  They scream at me that I've made a mistake and that I'm not good enough and that I'm going to fail.  They cause, well, more fear.

God says not to be afraid. He says that lots of times in lots of places to lots of people throughout the Bible.  Usually those people he talked to could listen and do just that...stop being fearful.

I know what the "right answer is..." stop being fearful and place my confidence and trust in God.  This week (month, year, life, whatever...) my challenge is to put that into action.

But...I think I'll still be afraid of alligators :)

Transitions

Our house in Lincoln. The balloons are attached to a For Sale By Owner sign to draw people in for an open house.  Plus, at this angle, it looks like they are attached to the house and ready for take-off.

This is the part of life called transitions.  Moving. Selling. Changing. Change. Transitioning by it's very nature is unsettling. Here's a quick run-down of life since we returned back the US on April 7th.

- Visited 2 universities to decide where I would return to pursue a PhD (which is also to say we had to decide if that was what we were going to do at this point in time). We finally decided on the University of Florida in Gainesville....a really long ways from our families once again.

- Traveled thousands (literally) of miles to visit family and friends to catch up. Slept on couches and in spare rooms. Would never stay too long at any one place...would only ever stay long enough to "catch up" then fly off the next spot.

- Presented conferences for the FFA called NLCSO. Lisa and I didn't see each other for a month in June/July. I finally finished mine around July 10th and returned to see Lisa in Bushnell. She still has one more to do.  

- Selling our house and pickup. This is where we are now.  I'm in Lincoln right now. We're trying to do it "for sale by owner."  

- Moving to Florida soon.

F.S.B.O.

For sale by owner means you take on all the responsibility for making that sale happen. We've posted the pickup on Craigslist, Facebook, the local newspapers... I would have sent a plan up to do skywriting if I thought it would help. I've received scams from Craigslist..."send a money order and we'll send someone to come get the truck..." I've received anxious calls from pushy people. I've received calls from car salesmen wanting the pickup in their lot 65 miles away right now.  I've received help from my uncle. But, I havn't received an offer. 

Selling a house is also interesting, to say the least.  We've had stress keeping the place picked up. How much maintenance do you do? We also have two extra people living here....which means two extra relationships to manage...two extra people's things to make sure are picked up.  Our garage is FULL.   

Our first showing was supposed to happen at 5:00 PM on a Monday.  I get really nervous showing our house. Lots of nervous energy. I have to busy myself with just about anything that will keep my mind off of "oh, I hope they buy our house...."

Before the showing I went downstairs to ask our renter to pick up a bit. He did (with my help) and I left.  He was sick so I bought him a can of soup to warm up and eat. At 4:58 (no joke) he poked his head up the stairs and said "hey, can I get a little help here?"  I'm thinking he is trying to do some additional cleaning so I sprung down the stairs to help. NOPE! Turns out he had tried to warm up the soup but had accidently turned on the wrong burner. And, since his kitchen was so full of dirty dishes, some of them were sitting on the other burners.   The culprit was a large plastic bowl which was actually filled with water to soak some dirty silverware. The burner had melted the plastic causing an acrid smoke to fill the entire downstairs as well as empty the water all over the stove top.  Super.

I grabbed a towel, opened the doors, and tried to fan the smoke out.  I had to lock the top screen door open with the small metal tab that holds open the  hydraulic closure bar.  Just then, Lisa came by to do some laundry.  She noticed the open door and inquired about it. I explained the situation and she replied that I was letting in flies.  She asked if we could shut the doors and I said yes.  I continued to towel out the smoke and get more anxious that the prospective customer would walk through the door at any minute and run away because of the scene.

Just when I thought the chaos had simmered a bit, Lisa found me and said casually "that back door is broken."  "WHAAAT?" I bellowed?  Turns out Lisa hadn't noticed the closure bar being locked open and yanked the door shut only to rip out the screws from the closure bar leaving them and it hanging there like a limp appendage. Super.

Somewhere above us I believe there are angels without television.  They don't need television.  They just lounge on clouds with their heads propped up on their hands and watch the scenes unfold down below them.  I imagine the viewing on that Monday at 2810 Franklin Street was pretty funny.  It is to me now. Wasn't at the time.

Well, thank goodness the prospect was late. I got the door screwed back together. We fanned out enough smoke and lit a few candles.  Everything was right with the world once again.

Since then we've had a couple of open houses and lots of "thanks and we'll let you know." I'm working on keeping myself distracted because if I think too much about all this I get a bit crazy.  

Questions

This is the part that haunts us.  Is Florida the right place? Why am I working on a PhD...I don't really even know how to teach. Why are we moving again?  Will the house sell? Do we have what it takes to sell the house on our own? Why did we leave Tanzania? Why are we so far away from our families?

The short answer to all this... I DON'T KNOW.

Tanzania

We miss you.  We miss your children. We miss your chaos. We miss your freedom. We miss your opportunities for our involvement in helping to create a brighter tomorrow.  We miss your purpose in our lives.  We miss your sense of community.  

The Future

 Well, it might go like this...we sell the house and the pickup....rent an apartment in Gainesville and drive Grandma Nelson's car (which she sold to us and has been gracious enough to wait until we get the money from the sale of the pickup!). We might love it down in Florida and I will see that teaching at a University is EXACTLY what God designed me for.  Or not.  Maybe none of that will work out.  

I keep praying for clarity and confidence that we're moving in the right direction.  I think as of now, God just wants us to take a step.  If we keep trying to listen, He's going to tell us if it's right or not.

Saying Goodbye
Well, it's time to say goodbye to Orkeeswa and Tanzania.  We originally came for a one year stint and stayd for over 2 1/2 years.  Our families want our hides for being gone so long. Our friends here want us to stay.  So, it's with sad hearts that we wrap up this chapter of life.  Goodbye kids. Goodbye friends. Goodbye Eggman.

Celebration
Peter and friends were very generous and threw us a party a week ago. We ate two goats and celebrated with LOTS of people from the school and community.  Yes, even Eggman was there for a bit (what party would be complete without him!).

Last Day at the School
The last day of the school actually went pretty well. We had begun saying goodbye in our minds a long time ago. So, the mental transition was already well underway. Plus, I had just given one whale of a test to the form 3 & 4 students. They stumbled out of their classrooms to assemble and say goodbye to us. Had I been them, I'm pretty sure I would have been thinking "and good riddance!".  We said a few words of goodbye under the flag pole.

Peter, Saingorie & Kesume to the USA
We were also assembling to say goodbye to Peter, Sangorie & Kesuma. Saingorie and Kesuma will be studying in the US at a private school named Groton for two months.  Peter had a bad ankle sprain from a few days prior so it was bound to be an interesting trip for them.

Church with Agnes
On Easter Sunday we went to church with Agness and her family. After we ate 3 meals and listened to rap music while sweating profusely on the couch in her house. Heri ya pasaka!

Climbing Oldonyo Lengai
We climbed a still active volcano named Oldonyo Lengai. We went this past Monday with friends Thomas, Hamad and Mzee.  It took 6 hours on a terrible road to get there. We arrived, set up camp, slept for one hour and began to climb. Long story short - it was really difficult! Most of the slipper slope was at a 45 degree angle or better.  But, we all arrived at the rim around sunrise.  Yes, I did think the rising sun was magma glowing from the crater. No, Lisa didn't make too much fun of me for that. Yes, there was smoke and sounds coming out of the volcano.  The WORST though was coming down. We slipped and slid down for 3+ hours.   What an experience!

Final Reflections


Now it's time to say goodbye. Back to USA. Back to family. Back to the cold.  Thank you to everyone for coming along with us these past many days.  It has been quite an adventure and we're glad to have shared it.

Disappointment and Jubilation - February was a tough month

I forgot to mention...They put new doors in the IEFT communications office. A much needed improvement! You can see Lisa with a triumphant pose. 

Lisa with the champion girls basketball team from the St. Constantine's tourney.

I havn't written in a while and it's mainly because life has thrown so much our way!  Let me summarize the past roughly four weeks:

Mathews/ Salzar Family Visit
At the time that Peter was here we had guests - 2 adults and 2 children. One of the children was a 14 year old who had already raised a significant amount of money for the school. I was apprehensive at first, but after just a short time I must say I was so impressed by the maturity of both kids. They both had such generous hearts and troopers for so many things. The new form 5/6 building was dedicated to the young boy. Not bad at the age of 14!

Moshi Basketball Tournament
We went to the Mosthi Basketball Tournament. I reffed, Lisa coached (don't worry, we're still speaking!). The girls team won and the boys beat the championship team but because of the way things were set up they were not allowed to play in the championship game...I guess we'll say they got third.  It was a good weekend and NO dislocated appendages!

Peter Departs at 1:00 AM!
Immediately after the basketball tournement Peter departed in the middle of the night which was a bit of a surprise for all of us since he had read his ticket wrong! Oh well...drove back to Monduli from Moshi only to immediately return almost to Moshi!

Arizona State Visit and Form 4 Results
Black Tuesday.  After Peter left we had a visit from the representative from Arizona State. She was so kind and seemed very interested in our school. The Mastercard corporation has developed a scholarship program for students in Africa. It's highly competitive and we're hoping some of our students will be eligible. Arizona State is one of 20 universities who received the scholarship money to dispense...so I felt the visit was terribly important.  I think everything went well and we were so thankful for her taking the time to come out.

I should back up a bit. There is a man in Tanzania who helps TZ students get into college in the US and Canada. He runs a program that partners with universities all over the world, brings them here, facilitates their travel, etc... Anyway, he has taken a real interest in our school and has been helping in many ways. He had encouraged us to apply with some of our students to do some of their higher level studies (called A levels) at the international schools in TZ. The hope was that they would be better equipped to get into university in the US if we did that. We took his advice and filled out the paperwork for a school in Dar Es Salaam. We knew the entry requirements were quite difficult, mainly due to the need for a high score on the form 4 national exam, which our students had just taken.   The man who helps students get into universities was very much in the middle of the process  helping to facilitate it.

As luck would have it, this man and the Arizona State rep visited us on the same day the results came out. Unfortunately, our scores were not very good.  In fact, the scores across the nation were not very good.  In fact, over 60% of the students who sat for the form 4 national exam FAILED!  Yes, 6 in 10 students in TZ who would have potentially gone on for further education are now basically done with formal education.  6 in 10.

On our side, we had slightly better luck. 75% of our students passed. Great right? Well, not exactly. But, it gets slightly more complicated than that. In order to go on at our school (any high school) to A- Levels (basically junior/senior year) you have to get a certain score. 6 of our students got that score and are able to go on.  So, where does that leave the rest of the students? Do they go to vocational school? Are they finished with school completely?   Short answer...we're gathering as much information as possible to help them.

So...back to those two students we were trying to get in to that international school.  Not only didn't they get marks high enough...but one didn't even qualify to go to A- Level... at our own school!  I was just sick!

Where is the logic/justice/failure in this?  How did we let these kids down? How did the nation let these kids down? So many people keep trying to lift our spirits by saying our students performed REALLY WELL compared to the rest of the nation. One fact is that we were somewhere in the top 12% of score in the nation. But, it's really tough to see that right now.  We are so sad for those students who failed.  We had such high hopes and it has taken a serious re-direction for many of that first group.

Nevertheless, we are quickly trying to make adjustments that will help future cohorts of students to achieve higher marks.   It's tough, but I'm so thankful we finally have some actual information. I think Orkeeswa will be stronger because of this.

Stuff Stolen
Right around the same time that the form 4 results came out, one of the volunteers things were stolen. It was some serious stuff! Some things were returned, but not everything.  Cripes...can't we get a break!

Exam Panic Attacks
Also, around that time, one student began having panic attacks about the national exams. I've found this to be common. We just talk to them and get them calmed down and teach them stress relief techniques. But, it's scary and takes a toll on the kid. Hope we don't see many more cases of that!

St. Constantine's Basketball Tournament
Just this past Saturday we went to the basketball tourney in Arusha. Again, our girls won, but the boys did not fare so well.

Al Snyder Visited!
Part of the reason the basketball tourney was so fun was because AL SNYDER VISITED US! It was so fun to have him here. He's been a good friend for a very long time. I think we always knew he would come...so it was very natural to have him around!  We took him to the tourney, around some markets, to a few bomas, to the school (of course) and then went on a 2 day safari.  In his time here he built a hand washing bucket for our house (something Lisa has been after me to do for a LONG time now) and also a demo for a solar oven.   We were both thankful to have him here and so sad to see him go!

Hamad's Mother Passed Away
Nearly the day after Al left, our driver Hamad's mother passed. She had been sick. We went to the wake. I don't know why it struck me, but I just felt awful  Hamad has been a good friend. We're about the same age and I just felt for him.  The funeral was yesterday.

Kilimanjaro 1/2 Marathon
Today Lisa and many students / volunteers were in Moshi competing in this years Kili 1/2 marathon and 5K fun run. Lisa finished well and was happy with her time.  She is sleeping now because last night they were on the classroom floor at ISM and consequently didn't get much rest!

Wyoming State Officer Passed Away
I recently herd that the Wyoming State FFA Vice President passed due to a car accident. I was again so sad and shocked to hear that. Of course our prayers go out to him and his family and the Wyoming FFA.

One month to go...
Just one month to go. I don't know what to think. I'm excited about the change and to see family and friends. But, I just don't feel finished here.  I feel deeply embedded and this extraction is going to hurt.  I doubt this school needs much more of me and Lisa...we have many good people here. But, in so many ways I've come to need that school and all of the associations it brings.  This next month are bound to bring a mixed bag of emotions.