Love better be a big house

I can remember when my show steer died. We were training him how to use a halter and he fell wrong and broke his neck. I was heartbroken at the time. I also broke my leg one time in junior high wrestling. It was nothing serious and I guess that ended my dreams of wrestling grandeur at an early age…probably for the best! By in large though, I've not suffered much in my life; very little in fact.

But this past week, I've seen glimpses of pains I've not experienced before. Pain inflicted by a student on himself from making a poor personal choice. Pain inflected on a child from a violent family member because… who really knows why. Pain from just realizing how alone a human can feel. Pain from fear.

Martina McBride sang a song a few years ago about love being the only house big enough for all the pain in the world. The song describes a few pains we humans endure – lack, want, strife, grief. She offers the solution of an active love; getting in there and getting your hands dirty. I agree, in general, with her words.

I'll be honest, this past week left me feeling numb. It seemed several things came at once – enforcing difficult policy, teachers pouring out their souls and still feeling empty, some really sad village issues in which the school was asked to intervene (and was thankfully in a position to help!), students unsure what's going to happen on big exams and pushing themselves so hard that you just think they're going to break. Fear. Hurt. Pride. Exhaustion. Misunderstandings. Pain.

Can we be a balm in the wounds? I sure hope so. I have found I have an unlimited capacity to cause hurt. I can be a cruel, self centered, small and vindictive person. At worst, I can sling pain just because I feel like it. I can also just do nothing about it when I see it happening around me too. Often do. But, I also have the ability, sometimes, and in some ways, to show love. And man, that's what I have to do.

We're going back to school this week (had a random holiday today) and we're only going to there until Friday before we have another week long break. We have new volunteers coming in. We have this high stakes test coming up in about a month for our form four students. We have new students starting in about a month too. Oh yeah, there's also limited food and water in the village and the price for everything is skyrocketing. Lots of people aren't going to be able to eat pretty soon. Timing's ripe for some stress, anxiety and lack of sleep. Put another way, timing is right for pain.

I hope I'm not the source of too much pain. I hope I'm a person who is bringing people into that house Martina sang about. And, I hope it's really freakin' big.