Love better be a big house

I can remember when my show steer died. We were training him how to use a halter and he fell wrong and broke his neck. I was heartbroken at the time. I also broke my leg one time in junior high wrestling. It was nothing serious and I guess that ended my dreams of wrestling grandeur at an early age…probably for the best! By in large though, I've not suffered much in my life; very little in fact.

But this past week, I've seen glimpses of pains I've not experienced before. Pain inflicted by a student on himself from making a poor personal choice. Pain inflected on a child from a violent family member because… who really knows why. Pain from just realizing how alone a human can feel. Pain from fear.

Martina McBride sang a song a few years ago about love being the only house big enough for all the pain in the world. The song describes a few pains we humans endure – lack, want, strife, grief. She offers the solution of an active love; getting in there and getting your hands dirty. I agree, in general, with her words.

I'll be honest, this past week left me feeling numb. It seemed several things came at once – enforcing difficult policy, teachers pouring out their souls and still feeling empty, some really sad village issues in which the school was asked to intervene (and was thankfully in a position to help!), students unsure what's going to happen on big exams and pushing themselves so hard that you just think they're going to break. Fear. Hurt. Pride. Exhaustion. Misunderstandings. Pain.

Can we be a balm in the wounds? I sure hope so. I have found I have an unlimited capacity to cause hurt. I can be a cruel, self centered, small and vindictive person. At worst, I can sling pain just because I feel like it. I can also just do nothing about it when I see it happening around me too. Often do. But, I also have the ability, sometimes, and in some ways, to show love. And man, that's what I have to do.

We're going back to school this week (had a random holiday today) and we're only going to there until Friday before we have another week long break. We have new volunteers coming in. We have this high stakes test coming up in about a month for our form four students. We have new students starting in about a month too. Oh yeah, there's also limited food and water in the village and the price for everything is skyrocketing. Lots of people aren't going to be able to eat pretty soon. Timing's ripe for some stress, anxiety and lack of sleep. Put another way, timing is right for pain.

I hope I'm not the source of too much pain. I hope I'm a person who is bringing people into that house Martina sang about. And, I hope it's really freakin' big.

In Rodeos and Seminars...

 Teachers do a team building activity at the retreat.

 Students waiting in line for a chance to be an Orkeeswa student.

Mamas cleaning beans for school lunch.

Teacher Meetings
Monday and Tuesday we held teacher meetings.  My sister likes to say "remember Seth, in rodeos and seminars, the difference between being bored and gored is the quality of the bull."  I've tried to take that to heart when planning these meetings. I like to think things went well both days with some time for work, some time for educational theory and of course some time for volleyball. I really think we have some great teachers right now - both Tanzanian and Western.

Students Returned
Students returned in a peaceful fashion this past Wednesday. They were a bit tired and ready to go home on the first day. But, they were eager to be back in the classroom.

New Student Selection
Once again we held student selection this week. We had over 300 arrive the first day. But, since we only pull from three villages that number is quickly pruned to a more manageable amount.  First we make sure the student is who they say they are and that they belong to one of the viable villages.  Then, they sit for two tests over two days. Lisa and I helped grade the test yesterday but declined today. From the average of those two tests, we take the top 50 or so students and do a home interview with them. From that list the final 35 or so students are selected to be Orkeeswas.  It's exciting to think of the next personalities.



Mimyute
We have a form 2 student who did a good thing this week. Everything was off of the walls in the classrooms because volunteers had repainted.  We are in the process of putting up bulletin boards and other things, but hadn't made much progress in the form 2 classroom. For some reason two of the bulletin boards were left in the classroom.  I got word after school on Thursday that Mimyute, a form 2 student was looking for me. I thought he was likely sick (since that's what so and so is looking for you typically means...). I walked in the form 2 classroom and discovered something. The reason Mimyute was looking for me was because he was putting up the bulletin boards on his own and couldn't quite get the last screw out of the wall to hang the final board.  He wasn't looking for praise or attention. He just saw a need and worked to make his classroom better.  It was pretty simple, but it sure had an impact on me.

You don’t call, you don’t write…

 Fish eagle from Lake Malawi. The guide would throw in fish and this guy swooped in to grab them.

 Pretty sunset from Victoria Falls.

Pretty sunset from Lake Malawi.

To our readers (all 8 of you J )…sorry for being SO LONG between posts! I’ll try to mend my ways in the coming months. Here’s what’s been happening for about the last five weeks.

Lisa went to America

About four weeks ago Lisa flew to America.  She got the flight in exchange for helping a friend with her one year old baby on the long flights. So, as long as she was already home, she visited her sister in Montana and family in Nebraska.  She was only there for about a week, but had a really good trip.

Zambia

Right after Lisa returned (about 3 weeks ago), we went to Zambia. We took an 8 hour bus ride to Dar Es Salaam. Then, we took a train to Zambia. The train was supposed to take 48 hours to arrive in a town called Kapiri Mposhi in south central Zambia. However, due to delays, etc… it took 48 hours to get just past the Zambian border; only about ½ way! We decided to hop out (don’t worry the train was stopped!) and take a bus the rest of the way.  The train itself was a cool experience. It was old and dirty. But, we could just sit in our private cabin and watch the land go by. Since we went through the Selous Game Reserve just at dusk, we saw a giraffe and a few other animals.

We arrived in a town called Lusaka, which is the capital of Zambia, around 7 AM. We were surprised by how modern the town was! For as poor as Zambia is, the infrastructure of Lusaka was quite good.

From Lusaka we took another bus south to Livingstone. We stayed at a place called Jollyboys which was a “backpacker” place. The prices throughout Zambia were quite high. We paid between $40 and $60 / night for the three nights at Jollyboys. The prices varied because we changed rooms every night! But, it seemed worth it because of the laid back atmosphere of the place.

From Livingstone we were able to easily get to Victoria Falls.  This place was obviously spectacular! We took loads of pictures and enjoyed the whole day there. I really enjoyed walking on a bridge where we could get sprayed by the mist of the falls.  We could walk right up to the edge of the cliff and look down! We could also walk right down to water where a large whirlpool was formed. Of course none of this stuff was very safe, so I’m glad we survived unscathed. The closest incident I think was when we were walking back up the path from the whirlpool. There were three large baboons sitting on the path in front of us.  I was alarmed because they had babies with them and I pictured mama baboon protecting her baby by eating me.  We tried ignoring them. Then we tried yelling at them. Then, when they didn’t move, I had the genius idea of blazing our own trail through the bush to get around them. We did that and after Lisa’s sandals were filled with dirt and gravel, she didn’t think it was such a genius plan J.  We stayed another day in Livingstone and just walked around the town, ate good food and relaxed. While we were there, we decided to go to Malawi.

Malawi

So, last week, we went to Lake Malawi. We took one day to go from Livingstone to Lusaka (on a SUPER nice bus… personal LCD TV sets in the back of every seat and a snack that they served us…this just doesn’t happen in Africa!). Then, another day to get from Lusaka to central Malawi. Then ANOTHER day to get from whatever that town was to where we wanted to go in north central Malawi called Nkhata Bay.  This last leg nearly broke Lisa and I because it took 12 hours and should have taken 5. We were crowded on this bus which would go about ½ a mile between stops and then just wait for approximately 20 minutes at each stop. MADDENING!  We were expecting to arrive mid-afternoon. But, as night fell, so did our spirits. To make matters worse, after waiting SO LONG at each stop, the bus would then speed off down the road, taking blind corners really fast. At one point, a mom and her son went shooting off their seat after the driver took a corner exceptionally fast.  The boy landed clear under Lisa’s seat, a little bewildered!  We did not like Malawi much those first couple days. But then we arrived at Njaya Lodge and everything changed.

Njaya Lodge

We stayed three nights in a place called Njaya Lodge. We paid $26/night to stay in a HUGE room which opened up to the enormous and beautiful Lake Malawi. The staff was really service minded and took care of us. The food was good. The atmosphere was really peaceful.  After the final bus ride to get there, we were SO thankful for the pleasant surroundings.  We just relaxed the first day. Then, the second day we took an OLD wooden boat out on the lake.  We fed fish eagles which swooped down out of a tree to get the fish from the surface of the lake.  Then, I went snorkeling with some of the most brightly colored fish I’ve ever seen: blues, yellows, black & white. They were really pretty. The water was so clear you could see to the bottom, even on really deep parts.  The final night we just sat out on the porch and the water was really calm. The sky and water just kind of melted together to where it was virtually impossible to differentiate the two. It was a really peaceful place.  After some rest and fun there we needed to return here!

Mbeya

To get from the lodge to Tanzania took some effort! We took a taxi from the lodge to Nkhata Bay. Then a shared taxi from Nkhata Bay to a larger town called Mzuzu. Then a mini-bus from Mzuzu to about 15 miles before the border. Then another shared taxi to the border. Then we walked across the border. Then took another mini bus to Mbeya (on the Tanzanian side). Then we took a taxi to our hotel. AND IT ALL WORKED! Early that next morning we took a 20 hour bus from Mbeya back to Arusha.  This last ride was a little spooky. The road was quite windy and the driver was more than willing to take the turns on either side of the road.  On more than one occasion we saw trucks which had gone over the side; one was even quite recent.  At one point, Lisa stood up to stretch her legs and was able to see through the front window. She said it was far more terrifying actually seeing what was in front of us so we just kept our heads buried in the sand, so to speak, and were a lot better off!

Overall…

It was a wonderful trip. We didn’t get many long stretches of rest and relaxation. But, it was a good mix of rest with exploration. The bus rides were really long. Zambia was way more expensive than we would have thought. Lake Malawi and Victoria Falls were incredible.  Now it’s time to get back to work!

Now

We’re back in Monduli.  There are LOTS of people around. The visitors from Groton, the private high school in Boston, just left. We are living with Jeff & Jenny (1st ever volunteers who returned for 6 weeks and will leave after two more weeks from now) and Andy & Ming (setting up the computer lab and will stay for another couple of months). Down in the other house there is Juliet (English teacher leaving in 2 days), Allison (English teacher leaving in 6 months), Scott & Lisa (return volunteer teachers staying for 6 months), Alex (office manager staying until October). In another house is Jessica and Ester (MIT students working on getting internet to the school). Then there’s always Peter too! And, in about a month, we’ll get 4 more volunteers for pre-form English immersion, agriculture and English. Unfortunately, almost everyone is leaving in December. So, after all of this “feast” of volunteers then will come the “famine” of nearly everyone going their own separate ways. 

School begins next Wednesday after two days of teacher meetings (which I need to go get together!).

Check out Lisa’s Facebook page for lots of pictures of everything. She is getting REALLY good with her camera skills.  We are really missing everyone at home and are so sad about the dry conditions and the fires.  

What Lisa's Been Busy With

Allison, Lisa and Juliet. Allison and Juliet are volunteers at Orkeeswa and also competed in the triathalon. Juliet did two of the legs! I couldn't figure out how to flip this picture so you'll just have to tilt your screen a little. It's easier on a laptop. 

Lisa's team - Beth and a dude I don't know. Beth is from Montana and has been our friend ever since language school.

These are our kids who competed at the cross country meet.

Lisa's story while I was in the USA
Here's the Reader's Digest condensed version. Basically, Lisa had a rough week...

• She got sick
• She had to do my job
• She competed in a triathlon after being sick (she did the running portion)
• She helped volunteers in the middle of the night
• She took sick kids to the hospital
• She taught one of my classes

Trying to leave a lasting impact
Ever since I returned, I've been thinking about after we're gone from here.  How will I know we've done anything?  Will anything continue like we're doing it after we leave? I know growing new leaders and new systems is really important. But, have we done that?  I don't know, but it's a bit where our minds are now.

Students participate in a cross country meet
Our kids went to a cross country meet last Saturday with Allison and Lisa. They were second out of eight teams. They also only competed in two of the four events. So, I'd say they did pretty well!

Where do I begin...

So much has happened since my last post. I suppose I should start from where I am and then work my way back.

Grandpa Pannell passed away
I'm home in the USA now. I got the call Friday and was able to book my ticket and board my plane on Saturday to return here for a week.  Grandpa had been sick for just a short time. He was 91.  He was a hero of mine.  Lisa and I had seen him in January and celebrated his 91st birthday. He was fine (and by fine I mean he had no physical or mental problems) then. I could say a lot about Grandpa.  Let me suffice it to say that I hope to live a life half as full as him.

Dissapointments
Just before I left I was dissapointed in a few things.  Students had not returned some borrowed books and I was dissapointed in the choices they were making.  Teachers were showing up late to work and I was dissapointed in what I considered to be lack of respect for the school.  Some students had created issue with their attendance because of choosing to get circumcised in the middle of the school year and I was dissapointed in that.  But, more than anything, I was was dissapointed in myself. I was dissapointed in my lack of forsight with the books. I was dissapointed in not being a better leader with our teachers. I was dissapointed with being completely clueless of this cultural issue of circumcision and also my own incompetence in being able to react to the situation.  I've been trying to help build the school a goat house for nearly a year now.  For SO many reasons the house isn't finished. For some reason, it's been a constant reminder to me of my own short comings and failings.   I think a person who does this sort of work has to continue to remind themselves of that serenity prayer... Lord give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

New Volunteers Arrive
A few weeks ago we got three new volunteers. Andy and Ming are from the UK. They're staying for 6 months to set up a computer network in our school. Alex is also from the UK and staying for a year to serve as the office manager.

Audi Got Married
Audi, a teacher with us for the past 2 years, got married a few weeks back! Allison's dad was here at that time and we all went to the wedding. It was quite a lot of fun and was even televised on three Tanzanian television stations!

Juliet turned another year older
We celebrated Juliet's birthday this past Friday night.  We whooped it up Monduli style!  Then I got on a plane and flew to America.

We went on Safari in Teringeri
We had a one day holiday on May 1st and went on Safari with Lisa, Alex, Juliet and myself (Allison was hanging with her dad).  We saw a pride of nine lions walk right next to our car! We also saw many elephants, giraffe, etc... It was Alex's first safari, so he was really having fun!

Thoughts now from home
I return from here on Sunday.  I really miss Lisa.  I am cleaning out Grandpa's stuff from his house and bringing it over to Mom and Dad's.  I moved his saddle today. I like being able to see my family.  I'm excited that some of them are coming for a visit in June.  All of these recent circumstances have made me wonder about how to transfer farms (or any family business or property for that matter) without tearing a family apart.  I enjoyed seeing our friend Joe, a young guy my age who flew out  all the way from Ohio just to say good-bye to Grandpa.

I'm always struggling with geography.  I want to be there but I don't want to leave here.

Final thought... Grandpa was a really good neighbor.  He was kind to pretty much everyone.  He liked to make pies or just give away random things to people (Joe was just telling me Grandpa had given him a car to get back to Ohio one time...).  The Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself."  I like to think Grandpa did that.

We had a tough week this past week. Without going into details, here's the gist...

Village Pressures - If a student gets circumcised, it takes them out of school for a month while they are healing. However, they get beat by the other boys who are circumcised until the deed is done. Plus, there's a big expensive party that the family has to throw when it happens. Some of our families can't afford it. So, from the school's perspective... just wait until June when we have a month long vacation! From the kid and families perspective... yeah right!

Sickness - We have a complicated medical issue concerning one of the students. Thankfully the school is there to give it even this much attention... I doubt it would have gone much beyond the traditional medicine if the student was somewhere else. We sent the student one place and finally felt like we had an accurate diagnosis. Then, we had to send the student to a different place for the medicine. They refused saying the diagnosis was wrong. Cripes! Who are you supposed to believe? And, in the midst of things is the student who just needs help.

Being a girl - It's really difficult to be a girl around here. They are valued less in the eyes of the community in every situation. Sometimes things happen that remind you how tilted that scale really is. I guess that's why we'll continue to do the work we do to fight that fight.

Health care - A friend of ours was in the hospital. But, since it was the Easter weekend there were no doctors around. Went in on a Friday... didn't see a doctor until the next Wednesday! By then, it was necessary to do an emergency surgery. Ah! How can this happen!

Anyway, I had to electronically vent a little today I guess.